Intimacy is all about two people forming a connection and bond between them. That involves becoming best friends, trusting each other, knowing each other, understanding each other. A couple holding hands and sitting together quietly, watching a sun set, can be FAR more intimate and connected than a pair of people who meet at a bar and jump in bed. Intimacy is grown and developed, it can't be rushed.
Intimacy involves sharing. Not the superficial sharing of the day, comments on the weather, and opinions on the latest news report, but the sharing of one's heart.
Of course we are each involved in our routine and daily lives and sharing the day to day trials and joys of life is important. What is also important and essential for intimacy is the sharing of one's feelings, emotions, and soul.
For many of us, this is not easy. We feel safe in our masks; in the superficial commentary of life. But sharing our pain, fear, and love makes us vulnerable. We feel naked, open to criticism and even possibly rejection. Yet, it is only through this opening of heart, this bearing of soul that true intimacy emerges.
The depth of intimacy is determined by the depth of sharing. If a couple wants the emotional closeness and unity that comes with intimacy, they must engage in the baring and sharing of their soul.
How do we do this? How do we face the fear? How do we open ourselves to expose our true selves?
First, let your partner know you are fearful. This alone is sharing oneself. Ask for patience and acceptance. Request from your partner time to share and a listening ear. Start small if it helps you feel safe. Perhaps sharing a small worry or concern is easier than disclosing one's most deeply held secret.
You will find as you share more of yourself, the intimacy and closeness of the relationship deepens.
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